I’ve been a very good boy this year, so I’ve written this small list of 10 things that I’d really like for Christmas. I understand that some of these items are time-sensitive or hard to come by, so I’d accept a box with a picture inside along with the expected date of delivery if it’s more convenient for you.

10. An extra hour of “A Christmas Story.” Let’s face it, 24 hours just isn’t enough time for this classic holiday masterpiece.
*Benefiting mankind? I think so!

9. Free education. Honestly, I just want my student loans paid off, but in order for this wish to benefit mankind (or at least Americans since some countries already have free university education), we may have to chunk up a bit – so free education for everyone!

8. A real lightsaber. I have enough toys and I’ve been practicing daily, so now I’m ready for the real deal. Plus, I have some friends that would also like to have a working lightsaber of their own, so I’m totally fine with starting the first local Jedi Academy right here on Earth. Think about it: for thousands of years, the Jedi have been the keepers of peace and justice in the galaxy, so having an academy right here on our home planet is definitely a benefit for humanity.
*By now, if you’re keeping score, this wish list is three for three.

7. Can we disable Facebook and social media for a day? I mean, not on some “Big Brother” type stuff, but just shut down the servers for a day and encourage people to spend quality time with each other and socialize face to face? Maybe even for Christmas Day itself? It’s a holiday, and holidays are supposed to be celebrated with friends and family. Even if you don’t necessarily celebrate Christmas, the core of many holidays around this time promotes family, good times, and well-being. I think, as a society, our overall ability to socialize and communicate effectively has decreased over the last few years, so maybe a day away from the flashy bright screen will help bring us back to personable and live interaction.

6. A never-ending bowl of Grandma Fi’s seven seas antipasto. ‘Nuff said! Plus, if it’s never-ending, I promise to share with others.

5. “Will Vinton’s A Claymation Christmas Celebration” DVD. I’m not sure how this benefits mankind, but I remember how much I looked forward to this show each year as a child, so I’d definitely want the DVD for my very own. If you’ve never had the pleasure of watching this Claymation classic, or you just want to wassail down memory lane, here’s the link!

*Yes, I’m counting this and Grandma Fi’s antipasto because I promise to share the endless seven seas dish with my friends who come over to watch this timeless holiday treasure.

4. Small business Saturday to be a recognized and widely supported day.

3. A hoverboard. Next year is 2015, after all, and we were promised we’d have hoverboards. Movies don’t lie, and neither would the Doc!
*So far, this is the only one that may or may not benefit mankind and could or could not be considered more of a personal inner wish to reclaim my childhood dreams.

2. More shows on TV focusing on edutainment. Shows like “Sesame Street” and “The Electric Company” are terrific, and honestly, I find myself watching them as an adult. When the right programs are selected, TV can be more than an idiot box and serve as an educational source instead of a passive babysitter dumping filth and mind-numbing reality shows on our youth. Plus, let’s consider all the good quality shows and events PBS hosts for our community, and many of them are free services, which ties in with No. 9, free education.
*I should probably get bonus points for this one to make up for the hoverboard.

1. A pirate ship. Again, I’m not sure how altruistic this one is, but I really want a pirate ship. My true friends know that I’ve asked for one every year for my birthday, but no one has bought me one yet. I have all the effects. I’ve been given pirate hats, swords, hooks, doubloons, eye patches, singing cards, “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, barrels of rum, and boons of all types – but no ship. I understand that I live in the mountains, so if you want to deliver it to the nearest port, that’s fine with me.

Thanks in advance. I know I tried really hard to make this list as selfless as possible.

Just another guy on the Nice List,

Rich

P.S. Of course I’ll be leaving you tasty cookies and milk, plus delicious carrots for the reindeer!